Tantrum vs. Grieving

I thought if I was going to show a picture of Isaac unhappy, it's only fair to show one of him happy, which he is almost all the time! (these are from the Picture People on his 11th day in America!) Before traveling to get Isaac, I read LOTS of stuff on attachment and grieving. I was as prepared as I knew to be for how hard it would be for this little guy to loose all he had known and to learn that we were the forever mom and dad. But I failed to remember (having been through it twice) that toddlers can sometimes just have tantrums! So we would be out for a walk and I would sit down to rest. Well, Isaac would have none of it!! Head thrown back and body shaking in complete rage! So you have to ask- is this because he'd rather walk (ie. a typical tantrum) or because this is the scenario we repeated upwards of 100 times on the day we got him (ie. grief in remembering the constant 'sit down,cry/ stand up calm' pattern of that day and all that happened then) And the answer dictates how you should respond. We always err on the side of assuming it's grief. If we coddle him a bit in these early days, we don't stand to loose much- maybe just add a few months onto the tantrum-ing stage. But if we don't coddle him, we stand to really loose big. I wonder if people think we are spoiling him, or giving him a bottle when he's so old, but then I realize I don't care what they think! This is my child and I have to live with how he attaches to us. But I wanted to present a realistic picture to those waiting to get their children- the grief is real. I could feel his body shaking and his heart racing and I wondered, Will he ever like us? Then he would calm down and start playing and smiling again. And I would forget how bad it could be until the next time. The first few days we went through 6+ rages a day, lasting for 10-30 minutes. And they have been tapering off since. In fact, what prompted this post was when I realized he didn't have a single fit yesterday! We know it's a long process- years even- but it's getting better. And the way his face lights up when I come into the room is priceless. He laughs all the time, is figuring out what to do with all these toys, and is starting to cuddle easier with his bottle. (he still insists on helping to hold it) But, as prepared as I was, seeing the grief is much different than reading about it. Especially because I love him so much and hate that he has to go through this. And, if I indulge a few tantrums in the name of being sure I don't miss helping him through grief, so be it!